The Gospel of Me

Occasionally I am Inspired to bring you new truths. And today the truth is exactly what I would like to talk about. For I have seen God and God is truth because truth is God.

Unknowable and infinite, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but.

The implications of this? Well a few rules:

1. Never tell a falsehood.
   Falsehoods do not necessarily include fiction. Fiction is allowable if it is clear that it is a story and the story carries the “ring of truth”
2. Never claim to be telling the truth.
   This especially includes vows in court. “The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth”? You don’t know the whole truth; no one does.
3. Avoid promises except when absolutely necessary.
   I am sick and tired of people in shows saying things like “I wouldn’t miss it for the world”. Seriously. It is pretty much a guarantee they won’t show up.
4. Lies of omission are not actually a thing
   Your whole life is a lie of omission. Omit away.

This is all I have right now! Updates on this religion as Inspiration comes. I welcome questions for clarification! Now, if you excuse me, I think I’ll sit this one out. I am pretty fond of lying.

7 And lo, on this Sounding of the Bells, the disciples did find would be much improved by the imbibing of spirits. So they drank and were merry for to not would be spiritually dishonest. 8 But woe unto them for when they were thoroughly sloshed the bell was broken. 9 And the next day they wore no color and made no sound in mourning of this terrible tragedy. And this came to be known as Silence. 10 And this was proper and good.

The Book of Sound 5:7-10

Oh, sweet prime mover of the Holy Church of the Great Glass Bell,

I am both enchanted and deplored that I must inform you of a new sect of your beautiful church. While I feel so at peace that I have found this neoteric path to enlightenment, I am also loath to leave behind the beauty that I found when I was first embraced by The Holy Church of the Great Glass Bell. 

But I press on in my spiritual journey, for the betterment of the life of our followers! The Great Holiday of the Silver Bell is celebrated on October 24th, in an attempt to balance the echoes of divine sound throughout the year. 

We still recognize the Church of the Glass Bell. We would find it most cordial if we could become sister churches. Or, if thou will be upon it, lesbian churches. May the Great Bells ring forever and ever.

With utmost respect,

High Priest of the Silver Bell

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Dear Brother,

While we are sad to see you go we do acknowledge the greatness of silver bells and will gladly embrace you as a lesbian church. Not as a lesbian sister church though because that would be creepy.

Warm regards,
High Priestess of Glass Bell 

The Holy Church of the Great Glass Bell

Primary tenant:
Bells are awesome. Glass bells especially so.

Holy objects:
Glass bells

Important dates:
April 24 - The Sounding of the Bells
The church’s only holiday, this is a very spiritual time of reflection, commonly observed by staying home and ringing a bell occasionally.

This is a little old but no less Inspired. My first bit of divine Inspiration!

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I was Inspired by Her Horniness to write for you this story. I inscribed it on paper in pink ink and the inscription was perfect but when I went to doublecheck what I transferred into the computer but I found the writing had become invisible. So please excuse any mistakes.

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1 There was a certain girl who was known as Julia and the Invisible Pink Unicorn judged her to be virginal and pure. And She came to Julia in the night and said unto her, “I have seen that you are truly faithful and good and I wish that you would keep me company on this night”. And Julia told Her, “I am now and will always be your faithful servant. I bid you to do what you will”. And as night turned to day they lay together.

2 And the dawn found Julia confused and in more than a little bit of pain. And she said unto Her, “I have always been and always will be yours but I must ask you why you have stolen my innocence away”.

3 And Unicorn became very angry and She did lay her blessed hooves upon Julia. “You have never doubted me before. Why do you doubt me now? Do not despair. Do not doubt me and weep. Such is my power that I may lay with you and yet you are still a virgin”.

4 And Julia did rejoice for she knew this to be true. And many days did pass but the mark of Her holy hoof did not fade.

5 And so it came to pass that Julia did meet a man who was known as Brian. And Julia did fall in love with this man. And they did lie together.

6 But woe unto Julia for Brian was not well endowed nor skillful in bed.

7 And it came to pass that Brian did doubt the virginity of Julia and he did describe her as ‘cavernous’.

8 And she did love that man so she told him the story of her night with Unicorn.

9 But he did not believe and still did accuse her of being a harlot.

10 And she showed him the place where she had been touched by Her hoof and told him about the miracle. But he still would not listen and also he doubted the ability of a female unicorn to lie with a human female were it not the human female’s will instead of the unicorn’s.

11 And the Unicorn did see Her servant’s distress and She sent Her will into a figure made in Her image.

12 And Brian did feel Her wrath and he was smote as She brought Her mighty will upon his head.

13 But Julia became afraid and there was much weeping and knashing of teeth.

14 And Her Horniness did appear unto Julia and she did say, “My child, do not be afraid for I am always looking out for you”.

15 But Julia still wept and she cried, “I only weep for my own foolishness. For I had been given a gift by You and I have given it to that fool”.

16 But the Unicorn spake, “You speak true that you are foolish. What I have given to you is yours to keep. But next time you choose one to give it to choose more wisely.”

17 “For I love you but I am suspect that you are kind of dumb”.

18 And it was Her will that much of the evidence went missing and thus Julia was acquitted.